“Missy... alone, unleashed and unfettered. What does she get up to when the Doctor isn’t around?

“Well, Missy has a plan. And to carry it out, she’s going to have to break some rules. And people. And planets. Look out universe, Missy is on a mission. And nobody is going to stop her…”

1.1 A Spoonful of Mayhem
1.2 Divorced, Beheaded, Regenerated
1.3 The Broken Clock
1.4 The Belly of the Beast

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“In a spot of bother in Victorian London, Missy is forced to take on governess duties.

“But she has another scheme in mind, and her charges are simply in the way. She’s going to have to teach the children some rather harsh lessons about getting what you want.

“And there will be tears before bedtime.”

COMMENTARY: “A Spoonful of Mayhem” addresses the similarity between “Mary Poppins” and “Scary Poppins” directly. I wish I could find Missy’s brand-spankin’ new theme music online, because it evokes “Chim Chiminey” played in a minor key with an undertone of percussion. When I first heard about this new Missy set, I wasn’t sure I’d buy it (I don’t buy all the spin-offs, after all), but after listening to the second set of The War Master followed by the fifth set of The Diary of River Song (in which she meets four incarnations of the Master) I felt as if I were on something of a role. Michelle Gomez plays Missy on audio exactly the way she plays her on TV. Good stuff.

Added this to the list.

Thanks, Bob!


“Missy arrives in Tudor England, throwing the plans of another renegade Time Lord into chaos.

“King Henry VIII is on the throne, and aliens are stomping through the countryside. Missy just wants to be Queen.

“And the Monk? Once he knows who else is on the scene, he’ll be glad just to stay alive…”

COMMENTARY: The story opens with King Henry VIII about to meet his sixth wife. The bride turns out to be Missy, and the “king” turns out to be the “Meddling Monk” in disguise. The Monk fled the Time War and disabled his TARDIS in such a way that it could not be traced (or re-used). His plan was to keep a low profile, but when the Time War ended he set out to make himself conspicuous, thereby bringing himself to the attention of his fellow Timelords. Missy finds herself stuck in Earth’s past as well, but for reasons that aren’t, at first, revealed. She wants parts from the Monk’s TARDIS but he doesn’t trust her.

Missy and the Monk play off each other as well as did Missy and River Song. She continually refers to him as the Meddling Monk, and he insists that he’s obviously not a Monk, and can’t understand why that nomenclature has stuck with him. “Alliteration trumps historical accuracy,” Missy quips. When he asks her how she comes to be stuck on earth in the past, she says that, if this were a drama, now would be the time for a flashback. A musical cue indicating “flashback” begins to build until she cuts it off saying, “…but this isn’t a drama.”

Finally, if you were to assume that John Dorney couldn’t figure out a reason for the Monk to sing “I Am Henry the 8th I Am” you would be mistaken.

THE BROKEN CLOCK by Nev Fountain:

“Tonight, on Dick Zodiac’s America’s Most Impossible Killers, Detective Joe Lynwood hunts the most impossible killer of his career.

“There’s a trail of bodies. Impossible bodies. And Joe has one long night to solve the case.

“Luckily, DI Missy Masters from Scotland Yard in England, London, England is here to help…”


On one level, this is a spoof of those “real crime” TV shows which feature “dramatic recreations” of the crimes interspersed with interviews, but it’s more reality-bending than that. The crime in question took place decades ago and was committed by “a man with a pointy beard.” The first indication that all is not as it seems is when one of the principals being interviewed equates the non-linear storytelling of the show itself to time travel. When the host points out that those are just actors playing scenes, the man being interviewed insists that, no, those are scenes of what actually happened all those years ago.

The “actors” seem to realize that they’re in a drama, yet they also believe they are real. The dialogue simply drips with purple prose. One of the witnesses is a Mexican maid who speaks with the worst accent I have ever heard. It almost pulled me out of the story, until there was the sound of a record being scratched and we learn the “maid” is Missy herself. She stopped the reenactment (“Nothing stops a scene like the sound of obsolete equipment malfunctioning”) to protest the Scottish accent of the person “DI Missy Masters.” She goes on to use her “flawless Mexican accent” as the way it should be done. Then she takes over the role of herself, herself.

This is a pretty complicated (i.e., “convoluted”) plot, but we do find out what has happened to Missy’s TARDIS. I didn’t mention it, but in episode one, after the governess had left, her employer found that his grandfather clock was missing. That would seem to have indicated the Master’s TARDIS, but there would have had to have been a clock in the first place, wouldn’t there? Anyway, that’s the thread that’s running through the first three parts of this set. There are multiple levels of meaning to this episodes title, and that’s all I’ll say about it.

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