Superman, as everyone knows, gets his powers from Earth’s yellow sun.
Or does he? Superman has retailed this story for years, but it is beyond question false.
For the Earth’s sun is not yellow, but white.
Dr Lex Luthor, a Metropolis scientist who has “extensively studied” Superman, offers a possible explanation. “He wants us to think he’s solar-powered, right? But it’s a lie he tells to get green cred. My guess is he’s really powered by coal.”
According to Dr Luthor the evidence of this has been hiding in plain sight. “What is kryptonite, really? You won’t find it on the Periodic Table. If it exists, it must be an element from the island of stability. By report it’s radioactive, but why should that hurt Superman? But it could have unique chemical properties, so maybe he’s just allergic to it. And from its pictures, it has a similar texture to coal.
“Probably Superman had a bad experience with it sometime. He was chowing down on a plate of coal, to power himself up for an active day of busybodydom, and he included this green rock for variety. Bang! It nearly killed him. So now he faints whenever he just sees the stuff.”
Asked if Superman might instead be wind-powered, Dr Luthor acknowledged it was possible. “I’ve always thought he was a windbag.”
We attempted to contact Superman to discuss this story. He declined comment through his spokesman, Daily Planet reporter Clark Kent.
From the Outer Lunar Times.
The inspiration for the above item was this article at the Cracked website. (Adult content elsewhere at site.) This post displaced the thread April 2014 solicitations: DC cancels six titles from the home page.
Replies
I enjoyed your story and thanks for the links.
Thanks, Richard. I'm no expert on these things, but according to this Wikipedia page the Sun is a G-type main-sequence star, and these are sometimes known as yellow dwarfs, although they really vary in colour. So one might argue that when characters in the Super-books call our Sun yellow, they mean it is a star of this type and are speaking loosely.