Due to popular demand (thanks, Mom!), here's another blast from the past: a classic Ask Mr. Silver Age column from CBG #1547 (July 11, 2003)!
Let me know if you have any requests, either columns you vaguely remember or characters you'd like to discuss. Chances are, I wrote about them some time. 20 years is a lot of time to keep thinking up topics.
The Metal Humans!
Doc Magnus’ creations took on new identities
as The Silver Age was winding down
Dear Mr. Silver Age,
It is my understanding that near the end of their illustrious Silver Age publishing run, The Metal Men adopted human identities. Why would such impressive super-heroes wish to perform such a contrary act?
Jim H.
Avengers Mansion.
Mr. Silver Age says: It’s true, they did, Jimbo. The short version of the reason is this: They created human identities so they could continue to help humanity even though humanity hated and feared their robotic selves and tried to destroy them. But as you know, here in this column, we seldom settle for the short version of anything.
The wheels began turning with Metal Men #33 (Aug-Sep 68), which unofficially was called (at least on the cover) “The New Hunted Metal Men!” Through a flashback a few pages into the adventure, we learned that Doc Magnus, aided by his brother David, had undertaken a dangerous experiment to accomplish two things: replace those danged faulty responsometers with professional-grade models and increase The Metal Men’s powers.
Unfortunately, Doc’s experiment worked only half-way: The Men’s personalities remained the same as they ever were, but they received considerably more power, which they couldn’t control. Even more unfortunately, especially from Doc’s point of view, a loose connection jolted Doc into a coma, leaving The Men without the brains of their outfit.
Between losing their strategic leader and misjudging their newly enhanced powers, the robots botched several minor emergencies, endangering cops and fire fighters on the scene. I would suggest that the fire chief may have gone overboard in demanding that the cops shoot down the robots because of these mishaps, but I can see that he might’ve been overwrought and didn't actually think they could be killed anyway, given their history.
Then when Tina inadvertently smashed up a few police cars when the team tried to make good by catching some crooks, the city turned on them.
Ultimately, deciding they really were a danger, The Men agreed to allow themselves to be de-activated. Doc’s brother took control of the activator, which he agreed to use only when requested by the authorities. That didn’t take long, since gigantic alien insects picked that moment to invade Earth.
Heck, I might’ve even been willing to call out The Justice League for that battle! But they, um, were sick that day. So The Men got the job done themselves—only to face a crowd that still was hostile and fearful toward them.
The team’s position wasn’t enhanced in the next issue, which picked up with another gigantic, powerful alien suddenly appearing. But when he scooped up Tina to get a better look, he became infatuated by the sleek robotess. Meanwhile, The Metal Men were botching their attempts to defeat the alien, making the cops more upset. I’m not sure that still called for shooting them, but since bullets just bounced off, it didn’t much matter.
The team’s “hunted” status continued through two more adventures in #35 and 36, first while they battled Volcano Man and then when they were captured by menacing alien clowns who threatened to kill them if they didn’t amuse their gigantic captors. Hoo boy.
Their status took another nose dive when the rocket ship they used to return to Earth at the end of #36 crash-landed at the beginning of #37 (Apr-May 69), causing mass destruction. Oops.
That really put the capper on their image, and this time a “jury” of city councilors and the mayor found them guilty of being dangers to society. They were condemned to death and taken to a junkyard to be put through the metal crusher.
But when they awoke, they discovered they’d been saved through the subterfuge of the mysterious Mister Conan, who had finagled the city into using his own junkyard to carry out the “execution.” He told them he agreed they had outlived their usefulness, but they had potential to help with his new secret worldwide organization “to eliminate the forces which threaten all that is best in humanity.”
The Metal Men agreed, but pointed out that their effectiveness was hindered by being hated on sight. Conan resolved that through the auspices of Dr. Peter Pygmalion—hey, I don’t name them, I just read about them. Dr. Pygmalion covered the team members with a protein-based plastic he’d invented that looked, felt and smelled like skin. Then Conan set them up with human identities, which allowed them to blend with society but kept them on call to perform super-heroic deeds around the world in the name of good.
Gold became Guy Gilden, Wall Street genius, philanthropist and lady-killing swinger. Platinum became Tina Platt, world-famous cover girl and fashion model. Lead and Tin became Ledby Hand and Tinker, respectively, a folk-singing duo. Mercury became Mercurio, a famous artist and sculptor. And Iron became Jon “Iron” Mann, an incredibly successful engineer of bridges, tunnels and dams.
The caption says we picked up the tale six months later, when Conan proclaimed that all of the robots were “securely fixed” and “doing quite well.” I dare say. I mean, fashion, art, finance and music may throw a hero up the pop charts at a moment’s whim, but it usually takes a little bit of time for a guy to come outta nowhere to build bridges, tunnels and dams that have highway departments oohing and ahhing.
In Metal Men #38 (Jun-Jul 69), the team went on its first mission for Conan, in which they battled a coven of witches, who intended to bring on an Age of Evil.
The team stopped them, mostly acting as humans who occasionally had a little bit more oomph—Iron pulverized a couple demons with his iron hands, for instance, while Tina corralled some spiders with her platinum fingers. But for the most part, the story was about a spooky chase through the dark of night to find the witches before the witches killed these somewhat-powered heroes and let evil run rampant.
The next issue dug even deeper in genre clichés, as Conan lined up a special mission for the team to um, help him produce films for TV, movies and schools at a movie studio he had just renovated. Yeah, that’s bound to help eliminate the forces of evil from the world! Gold helped work out the studio’s financing, Lead and Tin provided background music, Mercury and Iron did unspecified things, and Tina starred in the big movie (of course).
The flick was a variation on The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but it came to a halt when (wait for it) a real misshapen creature swooped in to kidnap Tina just as the cast learned that the movie’s actual creature-star had been killed! The real creature kidnapped Tina, he explained, because she was so compassionate and he needed human companionship—which, ironically, Tina couldn’t really provide.
The mayhem brought the police, especially homicide Lt. McDonald, a suspicious guy who was always just one step away from learning the robots weren’t really human. He also took a fancy to Tina (as everyone did), complicating things further.
The story again played the team mostly as adventurers tracking a mystery, except for little bits of metallic business. These included Iron crushing a gun when a police officer almost shot Tina by mistake, thereby leaving a clue that he was more than human, and Mercury stretching his neck around corners to see what was happening. (Iron also discovered he had a glass jaw, an obviously ironical characteristic for Iron).
That story ended with Conan announcing he had major news about their creator, which was revealed in #40 (Oct-Nov 69): Doc had come out of his coma and been kidnapped by Karnak, the ruthless dictator of a small country Hey, these things happen.
He brainwashed Doc into helping him conquer the world. The Metal Men’s task was to infiltrate the country, find Doc and kill him.
They were outraged by this assignment, of course, but Conan explained that Doc’s brainwashing was irreversible, so they had to do what they had to do.
The rest of the issue was spent parachuting into the country, infiltrating Karnak’s headquarters dressed as guards and stopping Karnak. But Doc escaped, leaving Tina injured in the melee.
Next issue, as Conan and the team tried to revive Tina, they learned that Doc had stolen a hydrogen bomb from the Air Force and isolated himself in a mountaintop retreat. This adventure involved the team using its metallic powers to scale the impossible-to-climb mountain and dropping in on Doc. He, sadly, turned out to be nuttier than a fruitcake and tried to kill them all. That didn’t work out so well, but they didn’t capture him, either.
When they returned to base, they visited Tina in the hospital, only to find Lt. McDonald there, ring in hand, proposing. What a whirlwind courtship that was! The final panel showed McDonald walking out and Tina in tears, obviously knowing that she couldn’t marry a human (especially one who wasn’t Doc).
On that note the series ended, but that wasn’t the end of the human Metal Men (although it was the end of Lt. McDonald and Mr. Conan).
The team returned in Brave & Bold #103 (Sep-Oct 72) to help Batman stop a robot/computer that had gone haywire at the center of America’s defense systems. The computer, called John Doe, was demanding that all positions of power on Earth be filled by robots.
Meanwhile, Mercury had embraced a new movement called Robot Lib. He convinced Gold, who was still using his human disguise, to help round up their teammates, who Gold noted he hadn’t seen in years.
The others had retaken their robotic identities, with Iron working in an auto graveyard (ironically doing to other metals exactly what officials had tried to do to him a few years earlier). Lead was working with isotopes in a research lab, Tin and Beautiful were living in a vine-covered cottage doing who knows what, and Tina was go-go dancing (of course).
They all went to a Robots Lib meeting, which also was attended by vast quantities of other robots who came from I don’t even want to think about where. Batman met the team and tried to gain their help to stop Doe, but they weren’t interested in helping humans.
So Batman whipped out his trump card: the last will and testament of Doc Magnus, which implied that the Docster now was pushing up daisies, even though we hadn’t seen it happen.
Doc predicted that the team someday would resent humans (possibly because their creator gave them uncontrollable power, went nutso, stole a hydrogen bomb and tried to kill them several times over, but that’s just a guess).
He told them in his will that mankind, ultimately, was good but needed help, so they should provide aid when they could. So the team agreed to try. That worked out pretty well, and the combination of having Batman’s backing and saving the world put them back in good standing with the world.
The team returned to aid Batman in B&B #113 and #121, while Gold helped Superman and Batman together in World’s Finest #239 (Jul 76). By then, the team had returned to adventuring (after three reprint issues) in its own title with Metal Men #45 (Apr-May 76).
That story revealed that Doc wasn’t really dead, which brings up the question of how the World’s Greatest Detective got hold of Doc’s will. Instead, he had been captured by the CIA and returned to America, where he underwent a number of brain operations and therapy.
By the end of that issue, Doc was well on his way to recovery, and he vowed to rebuild the team. And he had to rebuild them because, as usual, they hadn’t come through an adventure with Doc all in one piece.
It’s odd that they were able to remain intact for all those issues when he wasn’t participating, isn’t it? It almost makes you wonder if his cunning plans mostly were designed to let him keep playing with his robotic Tinker Toys.
-- MSA
Replies
How come "Nameless" (aka "Beautiful") didn't get a human identity along with the rest of them?
Dave Blanchard said:
Nameless was omitted from the New, Hunted Metal Men without so much as a "sorry to see you go." No explanation, no off-handed reference. She just wasn't there, as if she'd never been part of the cast at all.
It would be fourteen years before anyone got around to telling us where she went.
And that would be in The Brave and the Bold # 187 (Jun., 1982), in the story titled "Whatever Happened to What's 'er Name?"
"Whatever Happened to What's 'er Name?" is one of the most continuity-conscious stories to ever appear in B&B. It's a virtual trip through yesteryear for Metal Men fans. Most likely, because this tale was not written by Bob Haney, but by a writer unfamiliar to me, one Charlie Boatner.
It's easiest to relate the developments of "Whatever Happened to What's 'er Name?" not by starting with the beginning of the story proper, but with the events in the old Metal Men series which ultimately kicked off that Batman-Metal Men team-up.
WARNING--SPOILERS APLENTY BE HERE!
In Metal Men # 32 (Jun.-Jul., 1968)---the last issue before the change in format---the robots, envious of Tin's loving relationship with Nameless, demand that Doc Magnus create for them robot mates. Doc consents and creates Iron Girl, Lead Girl, Mercury Girl, Gold Girl, and Platinum Man. However, in a classic example of "Be Careful What You Ask For", it doesn't work out. The Metal Men find themselves dealing with mates who are jealous, nagging, and constantly trying to upstage them on missions. In the case of Tina, Platinum Man is vain and pompous and has no use for his female counterpart at all.
Ultimately, though, the Metal Mates prove themselves and their deep-down good intentions by saving the Metal Men from a menace, but at the cost of their mechanical lives---when a chasm leading to the Earth's molten core opens beneath Doc's lab and the Metal Mates plunge into it.
In the next issue---# 33, beginning "the New, Hunted Metal Men" format---the fresh plotline kicks off when Doc subjects the original Metal Men (Nameless becomes "presence-less" at this point and never mentioned) to a "special C-X electrical charge" designed to ramp up their transmutation abilities and give them super-strength. And things develop badly, just as Mr. Silver Age described.
Metal Men was cancelled after issue # 41 (Dec., 1968-Jan., 1969); Mr. S. A. duly mentioned the robots' subsequent sporadic appearances.
And that brings us to "Whatever Happened to What's 'er Name?", which begins by having the Batman drawn into a crisis currently affecting the Metal Men. The robots are facing the return of old foes, such as the Floating Furies (MM # 11 [Dec., 1964-Jan., 1965]) and the Gas Gang (MM # 6 [Feb.-Mar., 1964], et al.), even though these enemies had been destroyed in their last encounters with the metal band.
Even with the Masked Manhunter's assistance, with each encounter with an old enemy, some of the Metal Men are destroyed, and the Batman returns their "corpses" to Doc Magnus' laboratory so the scientist can resurrect them. During their partnership, the Batman recalls Nameless, and how Tin created her from a do-it-yourself robot kit and one of Doc's spare responsometers (MM # 13 [Apr.-May, 1965]). But initially, when he asks the Metal Men about her, none of them remember her or ever hearing of her.
By the time of their next battle with an old enemy, though, the surviving Metal Men find that their memories of Nameless have begun to return. Unfortunately, this last battle concludes with the last remaining Metal Men also being destroyed.
Doc manages to rebuild all of Metal Men, and the Batman is present as the scientist prepares to give them the final treatment in their revival---the special C-X electrical charge. The Gotham Gangbuster is aware of what the C-X charge did to the Metal Men originally (B&B # 103 [Sep.-Oct., 1972]) and Doc's use of it now triggers his suspicions. He stops Doc before the scientist can administer the C-X charge.
After restoring the Metal Men to life through an alternate means, Doc comes clean to his robots and the Batman. Immediately after the Metal Girl adventure in MM # 32, Nameless had come to Doc with a request to remould her robot body, to make her more glamourous after the bodies he had given the mates he had made for the Metal Men. Doc had consented, but something went wrong. Nameless' body was burned to a tin skeleton and she had fled in panic. Unable to find her or her remains, Doc had assumed that he had inadvertently destroyed her.
To spare Tin's feelings, Doc had immediately rushed the Metal Men into undergoing that original C-X charge treatment, as seen in MM # 33. Doc had modified the charge to not only boost their abilities and strength, but to remove their memories of Nameless. (It is implied that this rush to treatment is why the device went awry and plunged Doc into the coma.)
Thus, Charlie Boatner's B&B story explained Nameless' absence from the "New, Hunted Metal Men" format---a true retcon in the Roy Thomas fashion.
Immediately after Doc's revelation, the lab is attacked by another old Metal Man enemy--the Missile Men (MM # 1 [Apr.-May, 1963], et al.), led by Platinum Man, the Metal Mate believed to have been destroyed back in MM # 32.
Platinum Man reveals that he survived the fall into the molten crevasse when he was shunted into an underground cavern, but he was badly damaged. Coïncidentally, after being nearly destroyed by Doc's remodelling attempt, the fleeing Nameless happened upon the same cavern. Together, Nameless and Platinum Man repaired each other, but the process took years.
Once whole again, Platinum Man swore vengeance against Doc and the Metal Men, holding them responsible for what happened to him. To achieve this goal, he rebuilt the Metal Men's old foes and sent them off to defeat the robot heroes. Nameless attempted to stop him, but he imprisoned her within the cavern. He was unable to destroy her when he realised that, from their years together, he had come to have feelings for the nameless tin robot.
While the Metal Men battle the Missile Men, the Batman locates the cavern deep below Mangus's lab, overcomes giant robot guard, B.O.L.T.S. (MM # 15 [Aug.-Sep., 1965], et al.), and rescues Nameless. He brings Nameless back to the lab in time for her to insist that Platinum Man deactivate the Missile Men. Still having feelings for Nameless, Platinum Man does so.
After all the final explanations are delivered, Tin and Nameless, reunited and still in love, ask Doc to marry them. With Doc officiating, Tina serving as maid of honour, and the Batman acting as best man (even the Masked Manhunter acknowledges the ludicrousness of it, but he was unable to refuse Tin's humble request), Tin and Nameless are married.
Tragically, just as the ceremony concludes, the self-destruct mechanism of one of the inert Missile Men activates. Before anyone else can act, Nameless transforms into a giant tin bird and carries the ticking Missile Man out of range. It suddenly explodes, vapourising Nameless.
Doc, the Metal Men, and the Batman are left dumbstruck at the sudden tragedy. Finally, it is the slow, loyal Lead who finds words.
"At least she died with a name," he says in an attempt to console Tin, "'Mrs. Tin'."
"No," replies Tin. "She was . . . 'Beautiful'."
Hope this helps.
Mercury: "Doc's not really dead! Therefore, we don't have to respect his will!"
Iron: "He's as good as dead! I say let's do one last thing for him!"
Tina: "Yes yes! We must... We must! Then we can live for ourselves alone, clean of any guilt or obligation!"
Mercury: "Doc's not really dead! Therefore, we don't have to respect his will!"
Mercury's ethics were as slippery as his temper. I don't believe a last request is legally binding, so that's a pretty cold argument to use. I do like Iron's "he's good as dead, so let's pretend he is and do something nice that we wouldn't do if he was alive!" Doc did create them and rebulid them countless times (literally, I don't want to try to count them), which ought to be worth something.
I think they make a great comedy team, as in the recent back-up strip by Maguire. It got a little verbose and overplayed, but exaggerating their personalities--and giving one to Lead and Gold--works well for them. Sadly, I don't think DC is into comedic comics these days.
-- MSA
I've never seen any of those "All-New, Hunted Metal Men" stories, but they sound even more bizarre than the regular stories -- but with all the fun leached out of them.
Wow, thanks for the blow-by-blow description of B&B # 187, Commander! I'm currently reading SHOWCASE PRESENTS: METAL MEN vol. 2, which includes some but not all of the New Hunted MM (or more simply, the Sekowky era) issues. I never really followed B&B, picking up a few random issues here and there, but otherwise blissfully ignoring that title from the day I started reading comics in 1966 to the day the title was discontinued in 1983. I've since made up for some lost time thanks to the three SP: BATMAN IN B&B volumes, but they haven't gotten anywhere near issue # 187 yet, so this "what's 'er name" story is all news to me.
However, while I studiously avoided B&B, I kept pretty close tabs on the Metal Men, having read all of their mid-70s revivals, none of which of course hinted at Nameless' existence, either. So it's kind of weird that DC would choose to tie up continuity points on a title that hadn't been published in several years, when no such effort had been expended during that title's revival. Also, based on your summary of the B&B story, Commander, it doesn't sound like Batman really had much to do in the story at all, other than guarantee sales by having his image and logo prominently featured on the front cover.
Anyways, reading/rereading all the classic Kanigher/Andru & Esposito issues from the beginning to the end, it's becoming clear to me that the title should have been canceled after the final K/A&E storyline -- no Gil Kane issues, certainly no Sekowsky issues. That "new, hunted" stuff just hung over their every subsequent appearance, making them darkly tragic rather than the light-hearted characters they were always meant to be.
The Sekowsky era in all his comics (MM, WW, Supergirl) was truly strange. It was a period when super-heroes weren't selling so well, so they tried to take the super-heroes and turn them into action/adventure stars. Some of them weren't bad stories, but they really weren't about the character the readers knew.
It's interesting that they tried to save MM by giving them human identities rather than killing the book. They obviously thought it needed some drastic changes but they apparently thought it was worth saving. But it was so radically different that I can't imagine old readers liked it or new readers started picking it up. I bought them all, but it was kind of like watching a train wreck. I couldn't putt myself away, and I had to see how long it could go on.
Going from Kanigher to Sekowsky is a roller-coaster ride for a book for sure. People seem to be fonder of the WW stories than the MM stories, probably because it was easier to turn WW into Mrs. Peel than to turn shape-shifting robots into gothic-style adventurers.
-- MSA
I was reading over this and I remembered the first time I ever saw the Metal Men in anything. It was back when I was first starting comics and it featured the team going up against the Plutonium Man. As I recall the Metal Men were traveling around doing shows to demonstrate how metals worked and Doc was insane, hating them all so much that even a showing him a picture of them was enough to send him off. But a government type wanted another metal man and over road an (army? I forget) guy and Doc creates the Plutonium Man, a robot made up of plutonium and Doc's own insane mind. The robot goes on a rampage and the Metal Men stop him, each one dying. Finally with only Tina left the government guy -who turns out to be a spy from some country- runs up to the Plutonium Man and empties a gun into a tear in his outer skin, causing him to start to explode. Tina manages to wrap herself around Plutonium Man and bids a final farewell to Doc and snaps back to sanity just as Plutonium Man implodes.
Even coming in cold I thought it was a good story.
-
1
-
2
-
3
of 3 Next