I recall at some point there was also a best-selling Children's Letters to God that became the basis of a musical. I first encountered it, however, in the Mad parody, which features God's answers.
Doug Gilford's Mad Cover Site - MAD #142 - Answers to Children's Letters - From God
Back in the '90s I worked in an office that was 95% women. (At one point, the department had exactly 100 employees, 95 of them women.) In that office we had a take-a-book/leave-a-book table. I myself donated 50 permabound editions of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, which (indirectly) led to me losing my teaching job. Those were quite popular, but I found only two books on the table which interested me. One of them was The Kryptonite Kid, a YA novel about a lonely boy who loves Superman. I could follow it, but no kid today would be able to, because it is so steeped in Silver Age Superman mythology. The other book I picked was Bill Adler's Funniest Fan Letters to Batman. I can't imagine who in that office donated these books, but I've still got them both.
Also in the '90s, I was working on completeing my collection of Dark Shadows paperbacks by Dan "Marilyn" Ross. Oftentimes I would have to buy them in lots, and usually the lots would include the joke book Barnabas Collins in a Funny Vein. I shared some of those jokes with my niece, who is a mother of two now but was just a little girl back then. She asked me, "Didn't people have senses of humor back then?" Those of you who follow the "Dark Shadows" discussion on this board may recall I used to post a "Barnabas Joke of the Day" for as long as it lasted. To that end, I thought I'd post one of letters chosen by Bill Adler each day for as long as they last or until someone begs me to stop, whichever comes first.
BOOKS BY BILL ADLER:
The Kennedy Wit
The Stevenson Wit
The Chruchhill Wit
Kids Letters to President Kennedy
Love Letters to the Mets
Love Letters to the Beatles
Dear 007
Dear President Johnson
Pope Paul in the United States
The Pope John Album
John F. Kennedy and the Young People of America
Letters From Camp
Boys Are Very Funny People
Dear Senator Kennedy
Kids Letters to the FBI
The Johnson Humor
The Common Sense Wisdom of Three First Ladies
Here is Bill Adler's note from the first edition of the Batman Letters book, August 1966:
"Here they are!
"From across the country--from all fifty states--from children and grownups of all ages--the wildest, funniest letters sent to everybody's hero--the one and only Batman,
"Batman has swept the country and today it is hard to find a living soul who isn't a loyal, dedicated, devoted Batman fan.
"From the thousands and thousands of letters that pour into Batman headquarters every day we have selected these letters to speak for Batman fans everywhere!"
Here is the first letter:
Dear Batman,
I have 30 Batman pictures in my room and my mother says either the posters go or I go. I haven't decided yet.
Love and kisses,
Beatrice W.
Indianapolis, Indiana
I can guarantee you that the other letters are at least that funny.
Dear Batman
I like your show very much. But when you and Robin start fighting do you have to put in those words like for instance, pow, ouch, crunch, zlonk and all the rest! Little children that can't read don't know what it means and they have to ask someone older and by that time a new word is up and gone. And that makes some of the little children upset.
I know what I am talking about because I am 10 and I used to be a little child.
I have been reading a Batman comic book. It called Death Knock Three Times. It is about a man dress as a skeleton. This fist page is about Batman is fight the skeleton and Robin is falling into a grave. And there are people talking together. Then the skeleton robs the people, then a lady faint, then Batman and Robin go into a room and they dress as Batman and Robin. Then they start fighting, then Batman gets shot, then they go back home.
I think it would be a good idea if the JLA went into movies or on television and if you don't like this idea why don't you stick each indicidual Justice League member on the new show on Channel 7 called Batman. Here is who I think show play different roles:
Flash - Tab Hunter
Aquaman - Troy Donahue
Green Lantrern - Robert Conrad
Batman - whoever plays him on television
Superman - whoever plays him on television
Green Arrow - Clint Walker
Hawkman - David McAllum
Atom - Glenn Corbett
Martian Manhunter - Mark Goddard
Wonder Woman - John Ericson
Snapper Carr - Elizabeth Taylor
Metamorpho - Christopher Jones / Yul Brynner
Howard S.
Washington, D.C.
NOTE: I know I often post typos myself, but I'm trying to preserve the ones in this book for the most part. In this case, I did fic "William Contrad" and "Snapper Can" but I left the choices for Wonder Woman and Snapper Carr (which I suspect were reversed) because I though it was funny.
These next two are visual. I'm going to describe the first, but I'm going to ask Tracy's help posting an image of the second.
Dear Batman,
This letter is written in Batcode. Check your Batcode book for all the details.
Your fan, Stewart W. Montpelier, Ohio
I have no idea what Stewart is talking about, but his letter is indeed scrawled in a elaboarte code I think I've seen before in a Doc Savage story. (My code-cracking days are behind me, so you'll just have to take my word for it.) This next one is from Susie W. (no address given).
Dear Batman,
I have created the "Kitten." What do you think of it.
Criminals Beware!
KITTEN
...is here!
In real life, Kitten is Stella Jones, best friend of Betty (Batgirl) Kane. One night Stella learned her friend's secret disguise and told her that she knew. Secretly, she made herself a costume and got Batwoman to train her. After extensive training, Stella emerged as Kitten--feared by all criminals and the arch-rival of Batgirls for Robin's affections!
One thing I have noticed flipping through this book is the number of letters written by girls... and not just girls who watch the TV show, but girls (such as this one) who read the comics.
I think Robin the Boy Wonder is keen. But why does Robin always say "Holy Popcorn," "Holy Helmets," and "Holy 4th of July"? I'm not criticizing, I just want to know so that I can explain it to some of the smart aleck kids in school.
We are having a play called "Batman." I thought you might like to know about it. It's called "The Frightful Five." It stars: Robin: Larry Green; Batman: Jimmy Stang; Joker: Herbie Davis; Riddler: Howie Jackson; Mr. Freeze: Louis Bowmah; the Penguin: Bobby Albert; and Zelda the Great: Me. I don't know who the Commissioner or Chief O'Hara is. I could send you a picture of the cast, but I don't have a camera.
I would send you a copy of the play but we haven't written it yet. So far, we can't find a writer, but we have plenty of actors.
This letter isn't even Batman-related per se, but it's the second one in the book. I pushed it back a little to give this thread a strong "Batman" start.
Dear Batman,
I got a riddle for you. What will the two cowboys do when they see they're surrounded by 14,000 screaming Apaches on the warpath? Give up?
Your friend, Larry B. Phoenix, Arizona
P.S. - If you're waiting for the answer, I gave it to you already. GIVE UP! -- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Larry B., folks... He'll be here all week. Try the veal.
Replies
Go for it.
I recall at some point there was also a best-selling Children's Letters to God that became the basis of a musical. I first encountered it, however, in the Mad parody, which features God's answers.
Back in the '90s I worked in an office that was 95% women. (At one point, the department had exactly 100 employees, 95 of them women.) In that office we had a take-a-book/leave-a-book table. I myself donated 50 permabound editions of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, which (indirectly) led to me losing my teaching job. Those were quite popular, but I found only two books on the table which interested me. One of them was The Kryptonite Kid, a YA novel about a lonely boy who loves Superman. I could follow it, but no kid today would be able to, because it is so steeped in Silver Age Superman mythology. The other book I picked was Bill Adler's Funniest Fan Letters to Batman. I can't imagine who in that office donated these books, but I've still got them both.
Also in the '90s, I was working on completeing my collection of Dark Shadows paperbacks by Dan "Marilyn" Ross. Oftentimes I would have to buy them in lots, and usually the lots would include the joke book Barnabas Collins in a Funny Vein. I shared some of those jokes with my niece, who is a mother of two now but was just a little girl back then. She asked me, "Didn't people have senses of humor back then?" Those of you who follow the "Dark Shadows" discussion on this board may recall I used to post a "Barnabas Joke of the Day" for as long as it lasted. To that end, I thought I'd post one of letters chosen by Bill Adler each day for as long as they last or until someone begs me to stop, whichever comes first.
BOOKS BY BILL ADLER:
The Kennedy Wit
The Stevenson Wit
The Chruchhill Wit
Kids Letters to President Kennedy
Love Letters to the Mets
Love Letters to the Beatles
Dear 007
Dear President Johnson
Pope Paul in the United States
The Pope John Album
John F. Kennedy and the Young People of America
Letters From Camp
Boys Are Very Funny People
Dear Senator Kennedy
Kids Letters to the FBI
The Johnson Humor
The Common Sense Wisdom of Three First Ladies
Here is Bill Adler's note from the first edition of the Batman Letters book, August 1966:
"Here they are!
"From across the country--from all fifty states--from children and grownups of all ages--the wildest, funniest letters sent to everybody's hero--the one and only Batman,
"Batman has swept the country and today it is hard to find a living soul who isn't a loyal, dedicated, devoted Batman fan.
"From the thousands and thousands of letters that pour into Batman headquarters every day we have selected these letters to speak for Batman fans everywhere!"
Here is the first letter:
Dear Batman,
I have 30 Batman pictures in my room and my mother says either the posters go or I go. I haven't decided yet.
Love and kisses,
Beatrice W.
Indianapolis, Indiana
I can guarantee you that the other letters are at least that funny.
Dear Batman
I like your show very much. But when you and Robin start fighting do you have to put in those words like for instance, pow, ouch, crunch, zlonk and all the rest! Little children that can't read don't know what it means and they have to ask someone older and by that time a new word is up and gone. And that makes some of the little children upset.
I know what I am talking about because I am 10 and I used to be a little child.
Your fan,
Gloria G.
Hollywood, Calif.
"I first encountered it, however, in the Mad parody, which features God's answers."
That's hilarious.
Dear Batman:
I have been reading a Batman comic book. It called Death Knock Three Times. It is about a man dress as a skeleton. This fist page is about Batman is fight the skeleton and Robin is falling into a grave. And there are people talking together. Then the skeleton robs the people, then a lady faint, then Batman and Robin go into a room and they dress as Batman and Robin. Then they start fighting, then Batman gets shot, then they go back home.
Don't you think I have a good memory?
Your fan,
Hilton G.
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania
Jeez, Drexel Hill is the next town over from where I grew up! I might have run into a Batman fan with a great memory and never even knew it!
Dear Batman,
I think it would be a good idea if the JLA went into movies or on television and if you don't like this idea why don't you stick each indicidual Justice League member on the new show on Channel 7 called Batman. Here is who I think show play different roles:
Flash - Tab Hunter
Aquaman - Troy Donahue
Green Lantrern - Robert Conrad
Batman - whoever plays him on television
Superman - whoever plays him on television
Green Arrow - Clint Walker
Hawkman - David McAllum
Atom - Glenn Corbett
Martian Manhunter - Mark Goddard
Wonder Woman - John Ericson
Snapper Carr - Elizabeth Taylor
Metamorpho - Christopher Jones / Yul Brynner
Howard S.
Washington, D.C.
NOTE: I know I often post typos myself, but I'm trying to preserve the ones in this book for the most part. In this case, I did fic "William Contrad" and "Snapper Can" but I left the choices for Wonder Woman and Snapper Carr (which I suspect were reversed) because I though it was funny.
These next two are visual. I'm going to describe the first, but I'm going to ask Tracy's help posting an image of the second.
Dear Batman,
This letter is written in Batcode. Check your Batcode book for all the details.
Your fan,
Stewart W.
Montpelier, Ohio
I have no idea what Stewart is talking about, but his letter is indeed scrawled in a elaboarte code I think I've seen before in a Doc Savage story. (My code-cracking days are behind me, so you'll just have to take my word for it.) This next one is from Susie W. (no address given).
Dear Batman,
I have created the "Kitten." What do you think of it.
Criminals Beware!
KITTEN
...is here!
In real life, Kitten is Stella Jones, best friend of Betty (Batgirl) Kane. One night Stella learned her friend's secret disguise and told her that she knew. Secretly, she made herself a costume and got Batwoman to train her. After extensive training, Stella emerged as Kitten--feared by all criminals and the arch-rival of Batgirls for Robin's affections!
One thing I have noticed flipping through this book is the number of letters written by girls... and not just girls who watch the TV show, but girls (such as this one) who read the comics.
Dear Batman,
I think Robin the Boy Wonder is keen. But why does Robin always say "Holy Popcorn," "Holy Helmets," and "Holy 4th of July"? I'm not criticizing, I just want to know so that I can explain it to some of the smart aleck kids in school.
We are having a play called "Batman." I thought you might like to know about it. It's called "The Frightful Five." It stars: Robin: Larry Green; Batman: Jimmy Stang; Joker: Herbie Davis; Riddler: Howie Jackson; Mr. Freeze: Louis Bowmah; the Penguin: Bobby Albert; and Zelda the Great: Me. I don't know who the Commissioner or Chief O'Hara is. I could send you a picture of the cast, but I don't have a camera.
I would send you a copy of the play but we haven't written it yet. So far, we can't find a writer, but we have plenty of actors.
Your fan,
Janice J.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
This letter isn't even Batman-related per se, but it's the second one in the book. I pushed it back a little to give this thread a strong "Batman" start.
Dear Batman,
I got a riddle for you. What will the two cowboys do when they see they're surrounded by 14,000 screaming Apaches on the warpath? Give up?
Your friend,
Larry B.
Phoenix, Arizona
P.S. - If you're waiting for the answer, I gave it to you already. GIVE UP! -- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Larry B., folks... He'll be here all week. Try the veal.
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