Help needed: Johnny's Greatest Hits!

Dagwan February 4, 2011 at 10:43am

Marrying a shape-changing alien who was impersonating his best-friend's ex-girlfriend pretty much tops everything else I can think of.

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

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I used to listen to WOXY.com; It was the future of rock-n-roll! RIP WOXY

Luke Blanchard February 4, 2011 at 11:00am

Most typical would be his sparring with Ben. Wasn't there a story in Marvel Fanfare where he played an elaborate birthday prank on Ben only to find out he had the day wrong?

Edit: It was April Fool's Day rather than a birthday, in a story in Marvel Fanfare #15 by Barry Windsor-Smith.

Lumbering Jack (M'odd-R8-Tr) February 4, 2011 at 12:04pm

I loved the time when Spidey traded in his symbiote costume to Reed and Spidey didn't bring a spare costume, so he had to wear an FF costume and a bag on his head. To top off the impromptu costume, Torch (but please check to make sure it wasn't the Thing) stuck a "Kick Me" sign on his back, which Peter only discovered at the end of the issue.

ClarkKent_DC February 4, 2011 at 2:11pm

This was early during the Mark Waid run ... Sue named Johnny CEO of Fantastic Four Inc. in a bid to make him grow up and warned him, "Don't screw up." At the very bottom of the last panel, there's a caption: "NEXT ISSUE: JOHNNY SCREWS UP."

In the next issue, Johnny gets schmoozed and wined and dined by a marketer who wants to license the unstable molecules fabric for everyday use. Dazzled by bikini-clad babes, Johnny signs on the dotted line, although there are limits in the contract as to what can and can't be done with the fabric ...

... but the marketer has stolen a personal item of Johnny's to reverse-engineer the unstable molecules. Reed, however, prepared for that possibility (it was funny; the marketer and one of his scientists are peering through a microscope, and one of the molecules has this message on it: "IF YOU CAN READ THIS ... ") Unfortunately, something goes wrong and the unstable molecules spread like wildfire, swallowing everything in their path. Sue has to save the day.

Doc Beechler (mod-MD) February 4, 2011 at 2:48pm

Buying the skin mag with the "color corrected" photos of She-Hulk and a pair of green-tinted sunglasses...and then telling her about it.

Philip Portelli February 4, 2011 at 4:09pm

Marvel Team-Up #9-11, "The Tomorrow War" had a major conflict between Kang the Conqueror and Zarkko the Tomorrow Man and the Avengers are captured and helpless. Johnny appears in the middle issue but when the trail leads to Attilan and the Inhumans (the co-stars of #11), he bails out because he does not want to run into his ex-girlfriend, Crystal, again. Don't worry about the space-time continuum, Johnny! We don't want you to feel awkward! What a knee-biter!

Randy Jackson February 4, 2011 at 7:11pm

To be honest--and I'd need some help from some slightly older Legionnaires than I am to confirm this--the stupidest thing I ever recall Johnny doing was asking Reed what molecules were.in Fantastic Four #20. I know that Stan Lee just thought he needed some exposition for the young kids out there, but I want to say that atomic structure is 3rd grade science class, even back then in 1963. I could be wrong, but I remember reading that and thinking, "Johnny, did you ever go to school?"

George February 4, 2011 at 7:22pm

There's an issue of Daredevil (during the Ann Nocenti-John Romita Jr. run) where Johnny walks into a tough bar and tries to act macho. He gets clobbered.

George February 5, 2011 at 12:47am

There was the 1973 FF issue where Johnny, having been dumped by Crystal, shows up on the doorstep of Dorrie Evans (whom he hasn't seen since 1965). Alas, she's married and has a brood of kids. Poor Johnny.

Philip Portelli February 5, 2011 at 8:23am

Yeah, it's not just stupid on Johnny's part but immature and dangerous. I would have loved to know what Spidey was thinking about his "good friend"! And he left him alone on a mountain-top after telling him he has to go to the Himalayans! IIRC, when Spidey does meet the Inhumans, Crystal wasn't shown (I think). Plus the abruptness of him leaving a team-up in the middle would turn up again when he ditches Spidey in MTU #40!

No matter what the cause, it lowered the Torch's "hero status". What would the FF think about his decision? Or the Avengers, who were captives at this point? If Spider-Man did grouse to anyone about Johnny's behavior, who would respect, trust or rely on him anymore?

As a real world explanation, perhaps the creators wanted to have a different co-star featured every issue, including continued stories, though Iron Man (the co-star of #9) did appear in #11.

Since someone brought up Marvel Team-Up (oh wait, that was me!), The Human Torch was the star for a time, taking Spidey's headliner spot every three issues or so. They usually played it safe, teaming him with the Hulk, Thor, Iron Man (who showed a decidingly lack of respect towards him. Fallout from the Tomorrow War?) and Doctor Strange. There was the obvious pairing with Iceman and the only "surprise' one with the Son of Satan, a team-up Spidey never had!

The gist of this is that when Marvel wanted to, the Human Torch was a major player and had the potential of regaining his solo star status. I believe that it was just easier to portray him as immature, to keep him essentially younger than the rest. He was upset about Crystal but he ignored her and let her go, which led to her marriage to Quicksilver. Imagine if Stan allowed Johnny and Crystal to get hitched, it would have forced Johnny to become more responsible!

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Help needed: Johnny's Greatest Hits!

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