I haven't been around much except for "Cover of the Day" because those are quick and I had a bunch ready.
That's because on December 12th, I took my 87-year old, wheelchair bound mother to her cardiologist appointment. She had not been feeling good for weeks and was communicating with nurses over the phone. They either prescribed or recommended OTC medicine for her stomach or for sleeping. They wanted me to get a nebulizer which I did.
None of that mattered because the cardilogist took one look at her and said that she was retaining water near her lungs again and immediatedly admitted her into the hospital "for the weekend" which became a week where after she appeared to be getting better, she took a turn for the worse. Her heart was enlarged and she had too much carbon dioxide in her system, leading to her needing a breathing apparatus and being disorientated and confused, barely talking.
On Saturday the 20th, she was sent to the ICU where they tried to stabilize her. In her agitated state, she kept pulling on her tubes as she was on oxygen, FIVE IVs and several monitors. A nurse has to be with her constantly.
I have been to the hospital every day with her. It is an hour long trip and I am exhausted, frustrated and I'm not healthy to begin with. And the cold weather is not helping. My brothers come when they can as they are far away. So I have to keep them and various relatives informed.
The result of all this is that the doctors say that they can do nothing for her. She cannot survive outside of the hospital and she is unable to communicate.
So, knowing her wishes, my brothers and I have decided to stop her medication on Monday which will allow her to pass with some ease and dignity, I hope.
I would have rathered that they did this immediately as she, in a moment of clarity, told me that she had enough.
While I am relieved that her pain will be over, I am frightened and anxious about the future. I always felt that, to my family, my main purpose was to care for Mom but now who knows? Plus, there is talk about the house and where I will go and I have so much stuff!
I know some of you are men of faith and I certainly need some faith now.
I will be back here eventually as this will help me heal and adjust.
Jeff of Earth-J > Philip PortelliDecember 26, 2025 at 8:16pm
I'm truly sorry to hear about this, Philip. I've noticed your absence and hoped nothing like this was wrong. I've been where you are now and I'm sorry to say you've got some equally rough days ahead of you, but you already know that. Just hang tough, as tough as you can under the circumstances, and know that you have friends here who support you and wish you nothing but the best.
JD DeLuzio > Philip PortelliDecember 27, 2025 at 8:34am
Very sorry to hear. I have been in a similar situation. You have my best thoughts. We make it through.
doc photo > Philip PortelliDecember 27, 2025 at 9:19am
So sorry Philip. All I can say is pray for strength to make it through the days ahead and for guidance in the future.
Philip, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sending all my love to you and your mother and your brothers. Saying goodbye is never easy, and readjusting your life after someone is gone can be just as difficult. My only advice on that front would be this: Think about how to shape your life going forward -- what you want from it, where you want it to be, etc. And be conscious of that as you move forward. Be aware of others' wishes, too, but don't just drift into a situation that's convenient for everybody else; be sure it's a solution that works for you and makes you happy as well.
In the meantime, though, I'll be thinking of you as you & your family venture through this difficult transition.
Sorry about your hardships, Philip. Hope you find good fortune and healing.
ClarkKent_DC > Philip PortelliDecember 28, 2025 at 10:51pm
My prayers and best wishes are with you. We've been in a similar situation earlier this year, so I well understand what goes through the mind. But try to have the confidence -- and faith -- that you did what your mother wanted and that also is the right thing.
The Baron > Philip PortelliDecember 28, 2025 at 11:11pm
I had to make a similar decision for my own mother, and I know that even when you know intellectually that you're doing the right thing, it can still tear you apart emotionally. I wish you the best of luck and my best wishes in what I know is the hardest part of a son's life.
Dave Palmer > Philip PortelliDecember 30, 2025 at 8:41pm
Philip,
My thoughts are with you. Wishing you the best at this time.
Replies
I haven't been around much except for "Cover of the Day" because those are quick and I had a bunch ready.
That's because on December 12th, I took my 87-year old, wheelchair bound mother to her cardiologist appointment. She had not been feeling good for weeks and was communicating with nurses over the phone. They either prescribed or recommended OTC medicine for her stomach or for sleeping. They wanted me to get a nebulizer which I did.
None of that mattered because the cardilogist took one look at her and said that she was retaining water near her lungs again and immediatedly admitted her into the hospital "for the weekend" which became a week where after she appeared to be getting better, she took a turn for the worse. Her heart was enlarged and she had too much carbon dioxide in her system, leading to her needing a breathing apparatus and being disorientated and confused, barely talking.
On Saturday the 20th, she was sent to the ICU where they tried to stabilize her. In her agitated state, she kept pulling on her tubes as she was on oxygen, FIVE IVs and several monitors. A nurse has to be with her constantly.
I have been to the hospital every day with her. It is an hour long trip and I am exhausted, frustrated and I'm not healthy to begin with. And the cold weather is not helping. My brothers come when they can as they are far away. So I have to keep them and various relatives informed.
The result of all this is that the doctors say that they can do nothing for her. She cannot survive outside of the hospital and she is unable to communicate.
So, knowing her wishes, my brothers and I have decided to stop her medication on Monday which will allow her to pass with some ease and dignity, I hope.
I would have rathered that they did this immediately as she, in a moment of clarity, told me that she had enough.
While I am relieved that her pain will be over, I am frightened and anxious about the future. I always felt that, to my family, my main purpose was to care for Mom but now who knows? Plus, there is talk about the house and where I will go and I have so much stuff!
I know some of you are men of faith and I certainly need some faith now.
I will be back here eventually as this will help me heal and adjust.
I'm truly sorry to hear about this, Philip. I've noticed your absence and hoped nothing like this was wrong. I've been where you are now and I'm sorry to say you've got some equally rough days ahead of you, but you already know that. Just hang tough, as tough as you can under the circumstances, and know that you have friends here who support you and wish you nothing but the best.
Very sorry to hear. I have been in a similar situation. You have my best thoughts. We make it through.
So sorry Philip. All I can say is pray for strength to make it through the days ahead and for guidance in the future.
Philip, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sending all my love to you and your mother and your brothers. Saying goodbye is never easy, and readjusting your life after someone is gone can be just as difficult. My only advice on that front would be this: Think about how to shape your life going forward -- what you want from it, where you want it to be, etc. And be conscious of that as you move forward. Be aware of others' wishes, too, but don't just drift into a situation that's convenient for everybody else; be sure it's a solution that works for you and makes you happy as well.
In the meantime, though, I'll be thinking of you as you & your family venture through this difficult transition.
Sorry about your hardships, Philip. Hope you find good fortune and healing.
My prayers and best wishes are with you. We've been in a similar situation earlier this year, so I well understand what goes through the mind. But try to have the confidence -- and faith -- that you did what your mother wanted and that also is the right thing.
I had to make a similar decision for my own mother, and I know that even when you know intellectually that you're doing the right thing, it can still tear you apart emotionally. I wish you the best of luck and my best wishes in what I know is the hardest part of a son's life.
Philip,
My thoughts are with you. Wishing you the best at this time.
I second Jeff's words of encouragement.
-
574
-
575
-
576
-
577
-
578
of 578 Next